Mother Teresa writes that if we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. These two talks explore the causes for severed belonging, and pathways to deepening the felt sense of belonging to our own body, heart and spirit, and to all beings. Together the talks offer a natural and powerful progression of lovingkindness or metta reflections, that when practiced regularly can open us to the peace, joy and freedom of trusting our mutual belonging.

In our fourth exploration of how to practice with conflict, we examine four practice resources, inviting listeners to keep in mind, as we explore the resources, a conflict (whether an inner conflict, an interpersonal conflict, or a larger social conflict); conflict is understood as a difference of, or tension between, positions or values or needs. The first resource is that of the tools of our inner practice: mindfulness practice, heart practices such as compassion, lovingkindness, and forgiveness, and ways to work with difficult emotions and thoughts such as anger, fear, sadness, frustration, the judgmental mind, etc. The second resource is that of the "win-win" or "both-and" model of conflict transformation, in which the aim is to move from an "either-or" or "win-lose" framework toward the "win-win" way of meeting the underlying values or needs of both sides; at times, we may need to move away from the "win-lose" framework through "avoidance" (time outs, cease-fires, etc.) or compromise, on the way, if possible, to "win-win." The third resource is that of empathy, taken as a practice central to working with conflicts of any kind. The fourth resource is that of working with attachments to fixed views that typically arise in conflict situations of any kind, especially through through mindfulness, inquiry, empathy, and heart practices.

a talk given at a non-residential retreat at Dharma Zephyr Insight sangha in Carson City, NV

What are the prerequisites and supports for walking such a path of awakening? Kindness and a loving forgiveness rank with those qualities that are foremost. They allow us to repair the seemingly unforgivable, to heal what we could not see or wish to see, to dwell in the real not in our concepts, and so to ascend with the strength gained from that groundwork. Try forgiveness first. Recovery opens the way home to healing, to Truth.

The Buddha emphasized intention as the key to happiness and peace. However, often we are not aware of the intentions behind our choices and actions. Based on the Dvedhāvitakka Sutta the talks discusses the unwholesome intentions of sensual desire, ill will and cruelty and the wholesome intentions of renunciation, lovingkindness and compassion. It also discusses central aspects of mental cultivation.

Laying down weaponry, giving up hostility, we can abandon negativity and establish sanctuary within us. We hear the inspirational tale of how Ajahn Gunhah transformed his kidnappers in northern Thailand. Through his embodiment of mettā they became his disciples, just as the Buddha had done with his adversaries 2600 years ago. Such is the power of pure mettā - good will or loving kindness. It is our true protection from harm. We too can rescue ourselves by developing it with great inner vigilance, wisdom, compassion and courage.

Using the image and felt sense of a smile, we scan through the body, and awaken a sense of aliveness, presence and tenderness. The practice then extends to mindfully include all sounds, sensations, and feelings; and when difficult experience arises, to intentionally offer care. We close with an offering of loving kindness to our own being, to others who are suffering and to all life everywhere.

Using a very loving being as an entry point into the heart and loving-kindness practice,

We have never met most of the living beings on our planet (and beyond), and many we have met we don’t know all that well. As we expand our loving kindness practice to include all beings we have to consciously learn how to actively care for those we don’t know well. Rather than having the typical challenge of reactivity, this group of beings is hard to love precisely because we don’t know them well. If we have learned to care for a larger group of friends and community members, then this next larger group is more accessible.